The first week of the long summer holidays is over and we’ve all managed to survive intact – well, sort of. One of my daughters did nearly come a cropper, earlier in the week, on her scooter. She was zooming along quite nicely when, suddenly, something caught her eye. The something disturbed her concentration and she nearly scooted into a wall. The something also caught my eye and disturbed me greatly.
“Watch where you’re going!” I yelled. “Stop looking at the dog in the dress” I mumbled under my breath. Now, I see no problem with a dog in the autumn of its years wearing a natty tartan coat in the winter. But this wasn’t a dog in the autumn of its years nor was is a tartan coat. This poor dog was wearing a lemon dress in summer.
You maybe thinking, “How did she know it was a dress and not a coat?” To which I would answer, “Because it had a ruffle around the middle which made it look like one.” A ruffle on a lemon dress made for a tiny dog (of course it would have to be a tiny dog. Can you imagine trying to coerce a Great Dane into such a thing?), what was the owner thinking of? It’s a dog not a doll for dressing-up!
If this wasn’t bad enough, the lemon, ruffled dress also had a large diamante pattern on the back of it. Or was it the front? I wouldn’t like to say. Anyway, it was on the part of the dress that covered the dog’s back. The whole outfit was reminiscent of something out of an episode of “My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.” I briefly wondered if the dog was, perhaps, a gypsy dog descendent. That, maybe, it had a bit of Irish-Traveller doggy blood in it. Perhaps the dress had been all its idea after all. Maybe it had barked “Diamonds, diamonds, it must have diamonds,” at its poor owner.
But no, I was wrong, because there on the back (I was right the first time) of its dress was a little hood with ear holes in it. Its only purpose could be for the dog to cover its head in shame from the other dogs in the neighbourhood. After all, what other purpose could it have?